From a Friend

Lighting The Fire Under You

From: Mike

Lighting The Fire Under You

For Mike, stress has taken many forms: test anxiety, uncertainty about his future, and the pressure he puts on himself to figure out where he belongs. But somewhere along the way, he also discovered something that made him feel more like himself—baking. With the encouragement of family and friends, that passion became more than a hobby. It became a source of connection, purpose, and a reminder that finding your path does not always happen on schedule.

I’m sitting in a café that doubles as a bar. Music plays in the background while a tennis match flickers across several screens around the spacious room. Across from me, Mike leans back against the booth cushion, wearing a T-shirt, shorts, a New York baseball cap, and an easy smile. His expression turns thoughtful as our conversation begins.

“Why did I want to be interviewed about stress?” he asks. “I love conversations with people and like to talk.”

The 29-year-old laughs before adding, “I want something better for myself. I’m trying to figure out how this world operates.”

That search—for direction, stability, and a life that feels right to him—runs through much of Mike’s story. So does another lesson he is still learning: finding your way means letting yourself pursue what lights the fire under you.

Mike’s Story

What My Role Models Taught Me About Hard Work, Love, and Risk-Taking

I’m originally from Kinston, North Carolina. I moved to Virginia in the third or fourth grade. My parents were high school sweethearts.

My mother is a very bubbly, very caring person. That’s where I get my personality from. She’s a no-nonsense person, fun to be around, but when it’s time to get down to business, she’s on it. She’s also religious and instilled those beliefs in me. My mom’s there for the people she cares about. She also used to make pies. I asked her to teach me how to make them. It became a big part of my life.

My father’s a family man. He doesn’t always show his emotions. He’s very old school in how he shows his affection. He doesn’t always say it, but you know he’s proud of you. He’s a country boy at heart. He cares. My dad also grills, and grilling is our bond. He taught me how to start the charcoal grill and how to grill food properly.

My sister Jasmine is in her 30s. She’s a driven individual. She’s a person who’s going to chase her dreams and do what’s best for her to get there. She was a typical A student. She went to Morgan State and has a degree in biology. Now she lives in California and wants to become an actress. I look at her and think, If she’s trying to chase her dream, why can’t I?

The Image of Stress as Failure

When I hear the word “stress,” the first image that comes to mind is school and math. I was taking pre-calc, and it was a big struggle for me. I couldn’t crack it at the time. I knew how hard I had worked to pass the course and that if I didn’t, I would have to change my major.

I had bad test anxiety. I knew if I failed, that was it. When I sat down in front of the test, my hand would start shaking because I was so nervous. I didn’t pass. I was two to three points away. I would have to change majors.

I felt like a failure. I had made it this far, but this was the hurdle I couldn’t get over. I didn’t want to waste my parents’ money. I didn’t want to have to change careers. I took a break from school.

Creating a Community Through Baking and Finding My Purpose

I used to make pies for my friends in college. We had parties in my apartment, grilled, had potlucks, or just cooked. I practiced to make the food better, trying flavors my mom had taught me to make. I wanted to sell those pies and start my own business.

I didn’t expect to have a community helping me. One of my friends came up with the logo and names. My girlfriend helped with packaging and pop-up shops. When I had big orders, I went to the cafeteria and cooked there. It kept me from breaking down. When I was in school, I didn’t feel like I belonged there. I was doing it because everyone else was doing it. I created my business, and people were enjoying it.

When people buy desserts, they’re usually for family. It’s something they can remember. When I see the people I sold to, they say, “Are you still baking?” When I say I’m not, they say, “Get back to it.”

The Balance: Putting Others First, Keeping My Stress Close

If I know someone’s going through something, I try not to show my stress. I handle it pretty well because I’ve been doing it for so long. I talk to close friends who can relate to what I’m going through. I also talk to God.

I can go home to my parents; a lot of people can’t. Even if they have their own place, they’re scraping and scraping and figuring out where the next meal might come from. I can’t stress because I’m blessed. I know my time’s going to come.

I’m My Greatest Stressor

If I could remove one stressor from my life, what would it be?

Me!

I’m impatient when I’m stressed. I’m easily irritated and can be harsh in the things I say. I feel cornered, like, “How can I get out of this?” I’m also indecisive. There are a lot of things I can do well, and I don’t know what I want to stick with. I’m thinking: Is this really what I want to do? Will this make me happy? Will I be content? When I look back 20 years from now, will I say I’m happy with the decisions I made?

You have to stick to something long enough to be stable, and being stable is the most important thing.

Using Movement as a Stress Outlet

When I was stressed before, I smoked. When I thought about it, I wasn’t doing anything productive, just wasting money. (Plus, I had asthma!) I stopped cold turkey. Now when I’m stressed, I try to breathe. I’m working out again. That was a big part of my life growing up. I lost myself when I stopped doing it. I’m praying about stress. I’m taking walks, playing video games (especially with friends), and sleeping more.

I’m learning that you have people you can lean on. I also can’t get upset when certain relationships don’t work out or when things start getting hectic for other people. They have to figure it out. You have to do what’s best for you.

I’m still working on managing it, though. I’m a stress eater. That plays a big role.

Light That Fire Under You

It’s good if you can figure out what you’re interested in. Light that fire under you. You’re learning what life is, how you want to move. As long as you’re making positive progress, you can’t be mad at life. You have good people in your corner. You’re winning, even if life’s not how you thought it would be.

More "From a Friend" stories

Did you like Mike's story? Read more stories from your community here!